


Please don't answer

by JuliHeart



Series: Oikawa's falling apart [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Argentina National Team, Crying, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Depression, Letters, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Other, Sad, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, This is actually just me venting and I needed an excuse to share this I'm sorry, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:28:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29964993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliHeart/pseuds/JuliHeart
Summary: Oikawa's falling apart and needs someone to talk to. That someone is - and has always been - his Iwa-chan.[Part 1]
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Oikawa's falling apart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211903
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	Please don't answer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sakuraxblossom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuraxblossom/gifts).



_Argentina; 10.03.XXXX_

My dear Iwa-chan,

I want to apologize for disappearing so suddenly. I promise... I'm not ignoring you - I'd never do that. I couldn't. I just... haven't been feeling like myself lately.

I also want to apologize for what I'm about to write, or better, what you're about to read. It's probably not what you expected and I know it's selfish of me. To leave you on read for weeks and only message you again to vent. 

But I know you. And I know you won't answer this message if I ask you to do so. So please, just read it, or don't - you decide.

So...

I'm falling apart. Again.

I'm crying again. I want to cut again. Want to die. Just stop. Just stop moving on. Just stop struggling. To fight. To wish. To hope. To suffer. I want to stop. I want it to finally end.

Everything feels so heavy. My head. My body. My heart. So heavy. And yet so empty.

How can emptiness feel so heavy?

Why does everything hurt so, so much?

And the pain and sadness and hopelessness and emptiness just repeat and repeat. Over and over and over again. Like an endless cycle.

And it's almost unbearable.

It's so hard- so hard to live through. So hard to hold on. Especially when everything you want to do is to let go. 

Let go of this... feeling, just like how everyone else let's go of me so easily. Leave me alone. Leave me behind. In a weird mess of darkness, endless spaces, too many intense feelings but at the same time there's nothing at all. It's too much and too little at the same time.

It's confusing, it doesn't make sense. And it makes me worry and overthink. 

And it never ends.

It just repeats again and again and again and again and again...

Until I'm only left with the thousands of little pieces that once formed _me_. A me that doesn't exist anymore. That got lost in the darkness a long time ago. And I just stare at them, the little tiny pieces, and just don't know what to do.

How do you move on, when you don't even know who you are? What you like? What you enjoy? What you need? What makes you happy? What made you... you?

What do you do, when there's nothing left but emptiness?

I whish I knew the answer to all these questions. But I don't and you probably don't know it either. I just... hope this ends soon. And I promise I'll text you again, when I feel better. I don't know yet when that'll be. So... try and wait for me.

I love you so much and please don't worry about me. I'll take care of myself, even when it's very hard right now. I promise.

Love,

Tooru

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for this lmao
> 
> @sakuraxblossom wrote an answer letter for this. Check it out! ↓ ♡  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/29979651


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